My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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