We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
