i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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