You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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