i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
