First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
