I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize