im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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