i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize