i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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