PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
