if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This toilet bowl is my home.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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