it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
