I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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