haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
