Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize