Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
