she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
did you just send me my own nude
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
