Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
