(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
