the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
