Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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