fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
