I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
