It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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