hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
