"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
