my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
