One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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