You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
