Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
