How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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