I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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