She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
