She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
