I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
