I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
