Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
