she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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