Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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