I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
