That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's always time for handjobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
