no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
