Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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