You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
