Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
