I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
