just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
