in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
