I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize