you would pick up someone in the library
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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