quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
