Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize