Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
