She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize