I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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