i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
