i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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