The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
