you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
