Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
